I have been struggling with whether I should write this post. If I write it and share it, does it make it more real? I know that sounds silly, but here it goes anyway: I was diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia (AML).
It really makes me angry to type those words. You will find that I will often ‘talk’ in the past tense, because, although it is my reality, it is something I feel I will, and in some ways, have already conquered. I will survive. There is no other choice.
The first phase of treatment kept me in the hospital for one month. Before I share much about my treatment, I will share a little bit on how I got here: I knew something was wrong. I felt it in my soul, my entire being.
Something was wrong, and I knew it. By this particular Sunday evening, while in great pain, but without a fever, I decided I would not go to the emergency room. I also knew that a doctor’s appointment could take days, so I decided I would go to urgent care as soon as I dropped the kids off at school the next morning.
I showed up at a local urgent care facility, and they jumped right into action once I told them my chest hurt, and it was hard to get a deep breath. I explained it also hurt throughout my entire back and hips, and that I thought I was getting the flu the day before, but now I did not feel flu-like. I actually thought I had a case of Pleurisy (possibly a new side effect due of my autoimmunity issues).
There was an immediate EKG, followed by the X-ray, both of which showed nothing to be concerned about. Great, now what I thought? They suggested a breathing treatment. I said I didn’t feel that I needed one, but did it anyway. When they returned 20 minutes later, I was hunched against the bed with tears in my eyes. I stated that someone needed to find out what was wrong. I needed a detective. They said they could take blood, to which I responded “If you are going to take blood, take a lot of blood, and run every panel possible.”
I went home and worked even though I was worried and in pain. At 6 o’clock the phone rang. It was urgent care. I expected to hear that all blood work was normal, and that my regular doctor would need to take a closer look at me. Instead, I heard that it appeared that I have Leukemia and a Hematologist would be looking at my blood. I was stunned. I lied on the couch crying and in pain. It was then I realized that the pain I was feeling was bone pain.
The next day a call came from urgent care and the doctor stated “You have Acute Myeloid Leukemia. Where do you want to seek treatment?”. I couldn’t speak. I put the doctor on mute, screamed for my husband, placed the phone on speaker, and asked the doctor to repeat everything. I don’t think I moved or breathed for a few minutes. I eventually stuttered that I was unable to determine where to seek treatment, and that she was the person who should be telling me where to get the best treatment. The doctor offered two options and asked if I knew anyone at either hospital. I did state that my Endocrinologist worked at one of those hospitals she mentioned. It is a world respected hospital.
An hour later, and only 20 minutes before my kids were to arrive home from school, I received a call from the physician who heads the Hematology Oncology department at said hospital. He stated “We have a bed for you. You will be here for about a month. Please come down tonight.” I replied “When can I get a second opinion so we are sure of the diagnosis?” He replied “It is certain Jennifer. I am your second opinion”. I asked “Do I really need to leave my husband and children for a month?” He replied “One month is a worthwhile investment to save your life. Please arrive as soon as you can.”
As I write this, I am preparing for a biopsy and to begin the next round of treatment.